


Sebastian Moran's Travel Blog (Italy)

by Colonel_Moriarty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-11
Updated: 2012-07-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 15:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Colonel_Moriarty/pseuds/Colonel_Moriarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moran’s Travel Blog</p><p>Sebastian Moran, sniper and second most dangerous man in London, tells in his blog his stories about travelling together with Jim Moriarty.</p><p>Written in blog style and not to be taken all too seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

12\. March 2012

Jim just woke me up to tell me to buy him flight tickets to Italy. 

Bloody hell its 5AM in the morning! Does this man never sleep? I told him that no travel agency is open at this time. He replied by punching my side. 

*

I got the flight tickets. First class. Jim seems pleased and made me pack his things for him. Why does he think he needs a dozen shades? He can only wear one at a time. He keeps telling me that he’s got to accessorize. Whatever. 

*

Jim almost got us arrested by the airport security because he started to make a fuss about having his laptop scanned. He should know that it won’t be harmed. It’s like watching a woman weep after her baby. Then he kept setting of the alarm and refused to cooperate when they wanted to do a pat down. He kept yelling at me that he was getting molested. 

*

Jim finally calmed down but of course peace didn’t last long when the stewardess forced him to switch off his laptop for the lift off. Then he demanded I should shoot the man two rows in front of us who was laughing too loudly over a movie he was watching. When I informed Jim that I couldn’t carry a gun on board he started to pout and put on his earphones. 

*

Now he’s texting me nonstop. He’s going through every Italian word for ‘idiot’ he knows, it seems. 

*

Obviously he ran out of Italian words. He’s now insulting me in German, French, Portuguese, Spanish and Hungarian. 

*

We finally landed in Italy. Jim had me carry the entire luggage as a punishment for being ‘lippy’. I don’t care as long as I can get him to the hotel in one piece. 

*

The hotel suite doesn’t look too shabby. I like the bar and the Jacuzzi. Might have to try it later on. Jim is enjoying the sight of the ocean obviously. Good. God, I need a drink. 

*

Jim just told me he expects me to go out and buy him a pirate outfit and rent him a boat so we can play pirates and take photos. He’ll send them to Holmes, he said. I decided to ignore him and take a nap. 

*

Just woke up from my nap and found out that Jim drew a moustache with a marker on my face. Bloody hell. I tried to wash it off but now it looks even worse. I can’t go downstairs looking like this! Jim seems very pleased with himself however, that smug little bastard. He said next time I’ll just buy him his pirate outfit. I’m starting to consider throwing him out of the window. 

*

Decided to go downstairs after all. The food was excellent. Jim had some trouble with the waiter when he declared the wine he had served was not the one he had asked for, even if the label said so. He demanded later on I should shoot him too. I told him he had to put the man on his waiting list until I’d get a gun. I don’t like the way Jim looked at me. But then- I got a lot of weird looks from the other guests for my drawn on moustache. 

*

It’s almost midnight and Jim is still watching some crappy Italian shows on the telly in the living room. I don’t care, I need sleep. I can’t be arsed to wait for him to bugger off to bed. I guess I’ll continue this tomorrow. 


	2. Chapter 2

13\. March 2012

So I got a gun now. I have no idea where and how Jim got it. I’m not going to ask. It was enough fun to be woken up by him jumping on my stomach in the morning and pointing that blasted thing at me. Fully loaded. I fucking hate his Cheshire grin. At least I don’t feel as naked anymore. He was kind enough to also provide me with a holster. 

*

Jim reminded me of his ‘to do list’. Or rather ‘to kill’ list. The waiter is still on it. I reminded him that the guy still has to serve us breakfast and that we should maybe wait with shooting him until we leave the hotel in two days. Luckily Jim agreed. 

*

Breakfast was uneventful. Well, almost. Jim kept typing on his phone like a madman. I dared to ask him if we’re on a work trip or on vacation. He replied that he’s going to call this a ‘worcation’. He must have caught me rolling my eyes because he ‘accidentally’ tipped his coffee cup over. Now I need fresh pants and got a scald on my thigh. 

*

Jim wants us to go down to the beach. Of course, he had me pack all the things needed. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not more of a frigging butler than a sniper. We got some strange looks as we were heading outside and towards the beach. I guess people are wondering why there’s a man in an expensive suit wandering around in the sand. I tried to argue with Jim about changing into a suiting outfit but he told me that he doesn’t want to look like an ordinary tourist. He better doesn’t come to me complaining when he passes out from the heat. 

*

Jim took his laptop along. I decided to ignore him. It’s really a ridiculous sight how he’s sitting there on the beach towel, typing away, wearing Westwood. I have to say there are quite a few good looking girls around. Maybe this ‘worcation’ won’t be as bad as I feared. 

*

Jim caught me ogling the ladies and decided to show that they can’t have me. Obviously he also decided that I need to be punished. He’s holding my hand now while typing with the other. If I wouldn’t feel so ridiculous I’d be even more impressed by the skill he’s displaying. 

*

The heat finally got to Jim. So he told me to go back to the hotel and fetch him his swimming trunks. Great. I don’t really like leaving him all to himself. I never know what he’ll come up with next. 

*

Fuck. It’s just as I expected- Jim is no longer sitting on the beach towel. Now I have to find his skinny ass. I’m a butler and a baby sitter. 

*

He didn’t go far. I found him sitting at the nearby beach bar, sipping a colorful cocktail. And he’s quite obviously flirting with some tanned bloke. Italian I guess. I don’t understand a word they’re saying. Jim noticed that I’m quite pissed because he’s got that smile plastered all over his face. That smile that makes me want to punch him. His suit also mysteriously disappeared and he’s just wearing his underpants. The hell. 

*

I asked Jim where his clothing went and he told me that he got somebody from the hotel to pick it up for him. I asked him why he didn’t do that in the first place but he tells me that I got a paid vacation so I better keep moving my lazy ass. He also can see I’m getting more and more irritated about him talking to that other guy. It’s not that I’m jealous, dammit!

*

We –finally- went back to the towel after Jim said good bye to that bloke. He told me that he was invited to meet whatever-his-name-was and his friends at a local night club. I said I’m not interested which made Jim giggle. He now keeps calling me ‘Sebby darling’ and tells me that he still ‘loooooves me’. I tried to change topic by offering to rub some sunscreen on his body. Jim refused and told me I should go and rub some on one of the girls if I’m so desperate. I replied that he’d kill them if I did that. 

*

Jim is still sitting in the sun. He’ll so regret it later on. We’re ignoring each other now. 

*

We’re back at the hotel. Jim looks like a cooked lobster now. He whined and moaned that I had planned this to get to grope him while I rub sunburn ointment on his back. At least this means he won’t drag me along to go ‘partying’. 

*

Jim did drag me along to the night club. He looks ridiculous in his shirt and shorts, skin still all red. We met up with this bloke and his friends. Jim decides to take up a spot at the bar, excusing himself from dancing. Instead he told them that /I/ would love to dance. I hate you Jim. 

*

If that guy tries to grab my ass another time I’ll punch him so hard he’ll forget he’s Italian. 

*

I have to ask Jim to translate this sentence for me. 

*

Non provare neppure a sfiorare il mio sedere o ti appendo per le budella _._

_ You’re welcome, darling. –Jim _

*

_ Oh and stop posting such _ _ embarassing _ _ things online, _ _ Sebby _ _ baby. -Jim _

*

Fuck. Jim deleted my entire blog. I’m just glad I kept a backup just for this case. He’s trying to sleep right now but instead he’s muttering and mumbling. He got pretty drunk tonight. I can’t wait for tomorrow. Joy.


	3. Chapter 3

14\. March 2012

Jim got a hangover. Can’t say I’m very surprised. At least he seemingly has forgotten about my blog for now. Now he’s demanding ice cream. Obviously he read once that ice cream is a good cure for hangovers. I told him that they most likely don’t serve ice cream for breakfast here. 

*

Of course he sent me to get him some. Now we’re at the restaurant downstairs and Jim is eating ice cream out of the package like a naughty kid. The waiter is giving us those stares. I bet he’s thinking: ‘Oh god, how I hate tourists.’ It doesn’t matter. He’ll be shot soon enough. 

*

There’s nothing more lovely than having to hold your boss’ hair while he pukes his heart out in the bathroom. I knew it would come to this but Jim is stubborn like a mule. It’s kind of odd to watch him throw up. Makes me all philosophical and ponder about Jim’s possible humanity. Now he’s in bed with a warm water bottle and some tea, moaning and whimpering like a sick puppy. I almost feel bad for him. Wait, no, I don’t. It’s his own fault after all. 

*

Guess I /did/ feel bad for him after all. Took me a while to find the right shop but obviously some tourists like theme parties or something like that. When I went to pay the guy at the counter made annoying remarks about ‘treasure hunting’ while giving me a lewd grin. I should consider to move him on Jim’s ‘to kill’ list. 

*

Jim is still in bed. His face got some color again but he’s still whining about dying. So I tossed him the paper bags I was carrying and told him to get up because the boat’s just rented for 3 hours. Jim’s facial expression was priceless. 

*

So here I am, on a boat, somewhere around the fucking Italian coast, dressed up as a pirate. Of course Jim picked the captain’s outfit. Not that I’d care. I feel really ridiculous. 

*

Jim just commented how ridiculous I look and that he should have hired that guy from the Disney pirate movies about the Caribbean’s. I told him I too would have rather hired the chick from the movies. She had at least a nicer rack than him. 

*

Jim had me walk the plank for ‘subordination’. Now I look like a drowned rat. I’m just glad there’s no sharks around here. Of course Jim decided than now would be the appropriate time to take that photo for Holmes. He got all giddy afterwards and busied himself with his cell phone, writing Holmes a long message in pirate speech. I could use a smoke. 

*

Jim just finished sending his text message (plus photo) to Holmes. Now he’s staring over the ocean and starts to ponder whether ‘shark riding’ could ever become a popular sport or not. Sometimes I just can’t follow the leaps and bounds of his brain. 

*

The pirate thing must have put Jim into a good mood because he just suggested he should ‘plunder my booty’. 

*

So much for getting some. The weather changed and the sea got really rocky. I just found out that Jim has the tendency to get sea sick if the waves are too high. Bloody hell. I guess the booty plundering has to wait until I got us back to shore safely. 

*

While I’m trying my best to keep the boat on course Jim is babbling about how it’d be to strand on a deserted island and how we’d live on coconuts and fresh fish. His face has a delightful shade of green right now. I’m telling him that there are no deserted islands around the Italian coast and that he wouldn’t survive a single day without his cell phone. 

*

Jim considers having me walk the plank again but under the current circumstances he’s willing to wait with the punishment until later. I’m truly blessed by Lady Luck, am I not?

*

The weather got really bad but we somehow made it back. Jim was nauseous the entire cab ride to the hotel but now with steady ground under his feet he recovered quite quickly. We’re still wearing pirate gear as he walk into the hotel. I’m starting to get used to the stares we’re receiving. 

*

Dinner was uneventful. We’re still dressed as pirates. 

*

There was booty plundering after all. Now Jim is laying nestled against me, clinging to his captain’s hat. When he’s asleep he’s almost adorable. I’m still kind of glad we’re packing up tomorrow. I’m sure the staff is considering calling the shrinks for us. God, I love my life. 


	4. Chapter 4

15\. March 2012

So we left for Rome today. We’re taking the train. First class as usual. I took care of the waiter before we checked out. It was a quick kill and I draped him nicely against a few boxes of frozen fish in the walk in freezer. Jim demanded I’d pose him with a popsicle in his hand. 

*

The train ride was mostly uneventful. I tried to catch some shut eye but Jim kept watching me. Nobody can sleep when that guy is staring at you like a total creep. So I asked him what the hell was wrong. All I got was a smug smile and a reminder that I’m his body guard and therefore supposed to guard his body instead of sleeping. Jim then proceeded to work on his laptop. 

*

Jim itches a lot. His skin is coming off in white flakes thanks to the sunburn. He looks rather uncomfortable doing that. For once I guess he’s feeling how I do when he’s making me wear expensive suits. 

*

Jim fell asleep against my side. Hrm. It’s kinda a nice feeling. 

*

We arrived at Rome and dropped our luggage at the hotel. Jim says we should go for a sightseeing tour. He’s dressed up in his ‘tourist disguise’ now. The one with the shirt and washed out jeans, the baseball cap and the chewing gum. 

*

We ended up at the Trevi Fountain and Jim is watching how people throw coins into the water. He seems fascinated as well as confused by this. I tried to explain to him that people believe it’s for good luck and could grant wishes. 

*

Jim somehow got a whole bag of coins and tossed them all into the fountain at once. I’m not even going to ask him what he’s wishing for. I bet half of it consists of Sherlock related things. And I’m in a too good mood to let it be ruined by Holmes. 

*

So I threw in a single coin. Jim keeps heckling me about my wish but I leave him dangling, just replying with a grin. He seems a bit upset about that and promises me that he knows of ‘ways to make me talk’. I challenged him to try his best. I might regret saying that later on. Me and my big mouth. 

*  


Jim is really starting to sweat and demands we go for a roman styled bath. I wouldn’t mind a swim, honestly although the heat doesn’t seem to bother me as much. If I had known more about it though I might have declined. I expected some large pool. Not a collection of chambers and small pools. The beginning was alright but damn it, I swear when I jumped into the last pool, my best parts withdrew into my body. Jim was watching me with a gleeful grin as I hurried to get out of the cold water and then explained to me that this part was called ‘frigidarium’. Thank you, Professor Jim. You could have warned me in advance. My shriveled up dick would have been grateful. At least I’m no longer sweating, that much is certain. 

*

On hindsight- the cold water didn’t seem to affect Jim at all. Man, he’s being creepy again.

*

I don't know how we ended up here of all places. I guess it /is/ part of a sighseeing tour but we don't really fit here. I don'T remember when I've been in a church last time. I think it was when I was a teenager. Some of my cousin's christening or something like that. St. Peters Basilica is surely breath taking but I feel somewhat out of place. Jim however doesn't seem to care. He's rather fascinated.  


*

As we look at Michelangelo’s Pieta, Jim gives me suddenly this sideway glance that makes me tense up inside. I know that he’s about to ask me a question and knowing him I start to wonder whether he wants me to steal some of the treasures on display here or break into the Popes place and kiss in front of him. 

*

Jim just asked me if I believe in heaven and hell. I expected anything but not that. I know I was about to reply something cocky like ‘I am already in hell.’ but I couldn’t say it. Instead I ended up replying that hell would be a place without him. Now I’m cursing at myself inside my head for spouting such mushy nonsense. 

*

Jim didn’t say a word. He was just looking at me. I can’t read from his face what he’s thinking. Damn it. And now he put on his headphones and started to walk away. I blame my reply on the lack of sleep. 

*

We ended up sitting in one of these confessionals. I expected Jim to pull some stunt where he asks me to confess my sins to him. I don’t think I’d be done within a day. Instead we sit there side by side, cramped into the small space, sharing his earphones. I wonder if it’s because of [the song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nE1i_34prfM), or Jim sitting so close to me but I suddenly started to ponder about my life. 

*

We went for lunch in one of those cozy pizzerias. Luckily there are not as many tourists around. We found our self a nice corner booth. I ordered a pizza; Jim went for spaghetti with meatballs. How classy. 

*

Jim just shoved my plate aside and placed his in between us. What is he getting at now?

*

Oh god. No. Please, no. Don’t tell me he expects us to… 

*

I told Jim flat out that I’m /NOT/ going to shove a meatball towards him using my nose! And that giving me that puppy eyes look won’t change a thing!

*

Jim simply picked up spaghetti with his fork. He’s still looking at me expectantly. I feel so pathetic as I cave in. It doesn’t stop me though from telling him if we didn’t pick the same spaghetti I won’t do it a second time! 

*

We ended up kissing. I still don’t know how he did it. Or why. I guess I must have gotten pretty flustered because Jim is giggling at me. Man, he’s been all weird since we left the Vatican. 

*

The rest of the afternoon was spent shopping. I got Jim a nice tie with tiny skulls on it. He bought me a hunting knife. We’re such a romantic couple, aren’t we? I offered to invite him for some ice cream but he declined while grimacing. 

*

I warned Jim not to buy that pastry and eat it while we’re walking across a large plaza which is inhabited by a huge flock of always hungry pigeons. Within seconds he was swarmed by them. I had a hard time not to laugh as he was flailing about to fend them off. Now he’s in a rather bad mood again. 

*

We returned to the hotel and Jim started working on his laptop again. He refuses to talk to me. So I went downstairs and picked up some postcards. Not sure who I’m even going to write. Maybe Dekker. He might envy me even more then. 

*

When I got back up the room was littered with papers he printed out. I picked one up and it was all sorts of information about pigeons and their living habits. I don’t know what is going through his mind but I’m slightly worried. 

*

Jim didn’t join me for dinner so I went alone. The restaurant is nice but I kind of feel odd sitting at the table alone with candle light and all. As if my date ditched me. Hah! Jim would laugh if he heard my thoughts. 

*

Jim is still working so I took a walk around. Ended up in the bar where I had some drinks, pondering about my life again. I came to the conclusion that my life is pretty much fucked up but that I wouldn’t want it any other way. I guess that’s as philosophical as it’ll get for me. 

*

Went upstairs again. I intended to take a shower before heading to bed but the shower is occupied by two large potted plants, sunflowers I think. And the tub is filled with a wild array of chemical supplies. I have no idea what this is about and how Jim got all this stuff in the last 3 hours but I’m not bothering to ask. Instead I head into our bedroom.

*

I can hear Jim is still typing. I left the door halfway open, hoping it’ll lure him in. I guess he didn’t even notice it. But I’m too tired to drag him to bed. Besides- it’s best not to stop him when he’s like that. I’m sure he’ll finish whatever he’s doing eventually. 


	5. Chapter 5

                                  ~Rom sehen und sterben~  


  


16\. March 2012

Didn’t sleep that well although I’m not sure why. Had odd dreams about Jim becoming the king of hell and me kneeling at his feet, covered in the blood of the many demons I’ve slain for him. Not that this would be that much different to my usual life. Unfortunately these kinds of dreams cause usually some morning wood but Jim hasn’t gone to bed all night, so I can’t exactly pounce him. 

*

I found him still sitting at his laptop. There are even more papers strewn around, a few empty cups of coffee (I think), a plate with half a sandwich and enough candy wrappers to give an elephant diabetes. There’s also a pair of safety goggles on his head and a package of disposable latex gloves. I should be worried but I find myself not caring. I need to shower to get rid of my…problem.[[MORE]]

*

Fuck. I can’t take a shower. There’s still those potted sunflowers occupying it and the tub looks as if an experiment exploded all over it. I’m so not going to touch any of the test tubes and vials laying around. It also smells quite badly. At least it took care of my problem. I sure hope whatever Jim is trying to accomplish here will be done soon. 

*

Went downstairs to get breakfast. I took one of the newspapers then remembered I don’t understand Italian. I don’t know why I’m so distracted today but I guess it’s mostly because I’m not sure what Jim is up to and if it’ll end up with me getting punished for something I said or did in the past days. 

*

Went back upstairs and asked Jim if he wants to go for more sightseeing. I got no reply. I guess I could have danced dressed up as a Disney princess and he still wouldn’t have noticed it. So I decide to go alone. That way I can also send away that card for Dekker. 

*

_ Don’t be too certain about that, Sebby darling. You’d look adorable as Cinderella. And I definitely would have noticed you in a dress. <3 ~Jim _

*

Stay out of my blog, Jim. ~SM

*

Visited the Coliseum. Quite an impressive ruin although it reminds me of a building Jim blew up in the past. I hate how I can’t stop thinking of work, even when I’m supposed to be on holidays. But as Jim mentioned earlier, it’s a ‘worcation’ so I guess I’m expected to still think of my job. 

*

I must have been in thoughts because Jim was suddenly standing right behind me, whispering into my ear about how he would have send me out into the coliseum every day to watch me fight tigers, if he had been the emperor. I don’t know how he found me but I always suspected he’s got some sort of tracking device installed into my phone. And him pressing against my back and whispering to me doesn’t exactly help the problem I had this morning. I better try to hide it though. 

*

Jim brought along a small paper bag but he won’t tell me what’s inside. Instead he’s dragging me back to the plaza [where he was attacked by hungry pigeons](http://raaawrbin.tumblr.com/post/19535085555/jim-vs-pigeons) yesterday. 

*

Now I know what’s in the bag but I still don’t quite get it. Why would Jim bring along sunflower seeds to actually feed those flying rats? Something is very very weird here and I’m getting this strange sensation in my stomach as I wait curiously. 

*

Something just fell from the sky and landed in front of my feet. I think it was a pigeon once. Now it’s more a bloody mess of feathers and entrails. Looks like the poor thing sort of exploded. 

*

I can hear odd popping noises and watch pigeons explode all around us. There are little fountains of blood whenever one goes pop. It’s hilarious to watch the other tourist’s reaction. Jim is standing there, head swaying, eyes closed, hands raised as if he’s the conductor of an invisible orchestra. And he makes it play a rather beautiful and eerie tune. 

*

The plaza is empty now besides us. The concrete is covered with bloody, twitching pigeon corpses and it looks like a grotesque piece of modern art. Jim is giggling like a madman as we can hear sirens from afar. He lets me drag him away however and I’m glad about that. 

*

Forget about showers and Jim’s weird experiments and pigeons. I need to get this maniac out of his pants now or I’ll explode. 

*

With my luck I of course chose the alleyway which was occupied by a group of teenagers looking for a fight. They were shouting a bunch of offensive things in Italian when they caught me as I was pushing Jim against a wall, kissing him. They’re all armed with switchblades from the look of it. Just great. 

*

I broke one blokes arm, the nose of another and cracked at least two ribs on a third. The rest run away. Unfortunately they managed to get in a few lucky hits and my shirt is all slashed up and bloody. It’s just superficial wounds though so I’m not concerned. Jim has watched me from afar the entire time and I know that look in his eyes. Watching me fight and getting my hands dirty turns him on badly. I’m not really much in the mood anymore, myself. 

*

Well...let’s just say Jim changed my mind about not being in the mood anymore. Italian alleyways were never that sexy before. And this time nobody interrupts us either. I will make sure though to throw out those damn potted sunflowers later on because now I definitely need a shower. 


	6. Chapter 6

17\. March 2012

I’m not too sad that we’re leaving Rome today. Especially after the pigeon incident. This morning I could also still see the cuts those punks left on me. Jim seems to like them- not that I’m surprised about that- as he brushes up against me in the bathroom, tracing each of them with his clever little fingers, watching me in the mirror. 

*

Our next goal is Naples. Jim threatened me that he should also go to Milan afterwards and get me a new set of suits but I hope that is just him trying to make me squirm and that he’s not going through with it. During the train ride Jim is busy with his phone while I read a travel guide about Naples. Sounds like an interesting city. I’m rather interested in visiting that volcano. 

*

I knew it! I fucking knew it! I shouldn’t have brushed Jim’s ‘worcation’ pun aside like that! Since it wasn’t a joke after all. Jim is intending to make this a business trip in the end. I don’t know why but he didn’t tell me in advance because he knows how much I hate dealing with those mafia types. It doesn’t matter how you call them- Mafia, Yakuza, Camorra, they’re all the same. And their trigger fingers are so itchy that it’s hard for me to remain calm. When he told me we got an appointment for lunch I was so close to smacking him. But no, I’ll just suck it up and deal with it like a professional. As usual. [[MORE]]

*

Jim knows I’m upset by the way I’m throwing his luggage on the bed in our suite. He knows it by the angry way I slip into the suit he brought along. He can see it since I’m so irritated I almost end up strangling myself with my tie. So this is the reason why he got me that gun in the first place. I better make sure it’s loaded and ready. 

*

I let Jim fiddle with my tie but I’m not going to say a word. I’ll just follow his orders and act like I’m mute otherwise. He doesn’t seem to care anyways. After he’s done with my tie he even pets my cheek, making me feel even more miserable about this whole affair. I don’t want him to get shot, why can’t he understand that? Ugh. 

*

Jim’s wearing a bullet proof vest underneath his Westwood suit. I more or less forced it on him. He still thinks I’m exaggerating but I dealt with too many of these types to take matters easy. I’ll wear one too and it’s horribly uncomfortable in this heat. Even more so when you’re already easily sweating and still suffering from the reminders of a sunburn. Now Jim looks as pissed as I do. Good. 

*

The car brought us to the meeting point- a nice little restaurant in a quiet part of town, away from the usual tourist’s spots. I feel like part of the mafia myself in my dark suit and sunglasses. All that’s missing is a fedora hat and a cane. But it seems to be the proper attire, seeing how those awaiting us are dressed similar. 

*

The leader just tried to greet Jim but he got too uncomfortably close that I almost pulled my gun on him. Which resulted in everybody’s hands twitch to their hidden holsters. Great. At least now I know for sure that I was right with my suspicion. It’s not helping that Jim tells me to calm down and don’t make such a fuss. 

*

I calmed down. And Jim got a kiss on each cheek from the behemoth of a man. His face clearly shows that he would have preferred a simple handshake but its making me grin a bit inside. 

*

They’re discussing business and I only listen halfway. But I’m keeping my eye on everybody around. I suspect that even the waiters and cooks present are armed up to their necks. 

*

I can breathe again. They sealed the deal although Jim seems mildly displeased with some details. Maybe I’ll be told to shoot some of them at some other time. I’m not going to show him though that I’m relieved things went without us getting killed. 

*

Of course Jim knows what I’m thinking. Why I know he knows? One word- ice cream. He’s forcing me to watch him eat ice cream. Because he knows what it’s doing to me when his sexy little tongue brushes over the melting cold treat. He knows it and I know it and I can’t do anything but to avert my eyes and grit my teeth. The rest of my body does what it wants however. 

*

Jim realizes that he can’t get me this time. Not even with ice cream. Or cooing ‘Seeeeeeb’ into my ear. Or sending me text messages. I keep my stern look and try to ignore him. I think its working. 

*

We returned to the hotel and I decide to take a nap after peeling myself out of this blasted suit. Jim occupies the couch and starts to flick through TV channels. He’s either bored or upset himself. Serves him right. 

*

I woke up all dazed because I heard odd noises coming from the living room. When I get there it’s already too late. Jim is gone. There are signs of a struggle but I can’t find a ransom note or anything. There’s just a snippet of paper laying under the couch as I go checking for clues. I’m about to go crazy though. I knew you can’t trust those mafia types! I have to hurry. I got maybe half an hour to find Jim still alive. Everything after that might be too late. 

*

I’m not going back to that restaurant. That would be too obvious. I’m also surprised they didn’t bother killing me. Maybe they didn’t expect me to be in the suite with Jim. It doesn’t matter really. The snippet I found is from a brochure about Mt. Vesuvius. It makes sense I guess. That place should have a few deserted places where they can get rid of a body. Maybe they just throw him into the crater of the volcano.

*

I stole a motorbike and now I’m heading uphill towards the volcano. I have no idea where to go searching for Jim. I’m looking around for any sort of suspicious car or people that don’t look like tourists. 

*

Nothing. I had to abandon the motorbike, now climbing up the last few meters of the crater. I tried to avoid the tourist path and I’m glad I’m wearing my army boots. I swear if these motherfuckers touched Jim, I’ll slowly cut them apart!

*

……

*

…….

*

I still can’t quite believe it. But I guess I have to. There is no mafia around anywhere. There’s just Jim. Sitting on a picnic blanket, sipping expensive Italian wine, checking his watch when I finally stumble towards him, telling me he expected me ten minutes earlier. 

*

Goddammit! I almost strangled him! I was so close! I already had my hands around his throat as I pin his struggling body to the ground. But he’s laughing at me. Laughing in that impish, gleeful way. Laughing because he fooled me and he knows he’ll get away with it. 

*

Now I’m having a picnic with my obnoxious boss on top of a volcano. It slowly sinks in to me that this might just his way to apologize for not telling me about this ‘business meeting’ earlier. Or maybe I’m just imagining things because they sound nice in my mind. 

*

Jim asked me if there’s a place I wanted to go to. That’s not hard for me to pick. I just want to go home. 

*

We’ll be heading back tomorrow morning. Italy might be a nice country but I prefer London. And although he wouldn’t admit it, I’m pretty sure Jim does too. 

*

He did make his threat come true though. We’re heading for Milan first. Fuck. 


End file.
